Parents - right and responsibility

Parents – Rights &
Responsibilities
ﺑﺴﻢ ﺍﻟﻠﻪ ﺍﻟﺮﺣﻤﻦ ﺍﻟﺮﺣﻴﻢ
ﺭَﺏِّ ﺍﺷْﺮَﺡْ ﻟِﻲ ﺻَﺪْﺭِﻱ ; ﻭَﻳَﺴِّﺮْ ﻟِﻲ
ﺃَﻣْﺮِﻱ ; ﻭَﺍﺣْﻠُﻞْ ﻋُﻘْﺪَﺓً ﻣِﻦْ ﻟِﺴَﺎﻧِﻲ ;
ﻳَﻔْﻘَﻬُﻮﺍ ﻗَﻮْﻟِﻲ
The first place among the blood relatives is
reserved for parents. No one among the
relatives equals them in the status given to
them by Allah.
Our discussion here shall focus upon what
the status of parents is in Islam. We shall
divide our discussion into two major parts:
Rights of Parents & Responsibilities of
Parents.
A. RIGHTS OF PARENTS
A.1. Respect & Obedience
ﻭَﻗَﻀَﻰ ﺭَﺑُّﻚَ ﺃَﻻَّ ﺗَﻌْﺒُﺪُﻭﺍ ﺇِﻻَّ ﺇِﻳَّﺎﻩُ
ﻭَﺑِﺎﻟْﻮَﺍﻟِﺪَﻳْﻦِ ﺇِﺣْﺴَﺎﻧﺎً ﺇِﻣَّﺎ ﻳَﺒْﻠُﻐَﻦَّ
ﻋِﻨْﺪَﻙَ ﺍﻟْﻜِﺒَﺮَ ﺃَﺣَﺪُﻫُﻤَﺎ ﺃَﻭْ ﻛِﻼﻫُﻤَﺎ
ﻓَﻼ ﺗَﻘُﻞْ ﻟَﻬُﻤَﺎ ﺃُﻑٍّ ﻭَﻻ ﺗَﻨْﻬَﺮْﻫُﻤَﺎ
ﻭَﻗُﻞْ ﻟَﻬُﻤَﺎ ﻗَﻮْﻻً ﻛَﺮِﻳﻤﺎً
“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none
but Him; and that you be dutiful to your parents.
If one of them or both of them attain old age in
your life, say not to them a word of disrespect,
nor shout at them, but address them in terms of
honour.”
(Aayah No. 23, Surah Al-Isra’, Chapter No. 17,
Holy Qur’an).
It is such a great honour for parents that
Allah puts it as a duty of mankind to be
obedient and dutiful to his/her parents. And
we see that the ruling is placed just after
the ruling regarding worshipping Allah alone.
This itself signifies the elevated status of
parents in Islam. We have to be dutiful to
our parents; obey them and respect them. It
is not even allowed to say ‘Uff’, the mildest word
of disrespect, to the parents if they reach old 👵
age.
A.2. Supplication for parents
ﻭَﺍﺧْﻔِﺾْ ﻟَﻬُﻤَﺎ ﺟَﻨَﺎﺡَ ﺍﻟﺬُّﻝِّ ﻣِﻦْ
ﺍﻟﺮَّﺣْﻤَﺔِ ﻭَﻗُﻞْ ﺭَّﺏِّ ﺍﺭْﺣَﻤْﻬُﻤَﺎ ﻛَﻤَﺎ
ﺭَﺑَّﻴَﺎﻧِﻲ ﺻَﻐِﻴﺮﺍً
“And lower unto them the wing of submission &
humility through mercy and say: ‘My Lord!
Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me
up when I was young.”
(Aayah No. 24, Surah Al-Isra’, Chapter No. 17,
Holy Qur’an).
This is a very important supplication that
every Muslim is supposed to make for his/
her parents. This emphasizes the fact that
parents go through several phases of
hardships in upbringing of their children. A
child can not repay the favours done by the
parents to him, whatsoever he/she may do
for them. However, every child should pray to
Allah for well being of his/her parents in this
world as well as the Hereafter.
Refer to following hadith:
It was narrated from Abu Hurairah (RA) that
Rasool-Allah (PBUH) said, “When a man (or a
woman) dies, all his/her good deeds come to an
end, except three: a) Ongoing charity done by the
deceased (Sadaqa-e-Jaariya )…b) Beneficial
knowledge of the deceased that will keep on
helping the others.…..and third….c) Righteous
son/daughter who will pray for him/her (the
deceased).”
(Hadith No. 4223 (1631), Book of Wills, Sahih
Muslim, Vol. 4).
This narration tells us that the supplications
(and righteousness) of a child benefits the
parents even after their death.
A.3. Mother’s status is three times more than the
father’s.
ﻭَﻭَﺻَّﻴْﻨَﺎ ﺍﻹِﻧﺴَﺎﻥَ ﺑِﻮَﺍﻟِﺪَﻳْﻪِ ﺣَﻤَﻠَﺘْﻪُ
ﺃُﻣُّﻪُ ﻭَﻫْﻨﺎً ﻋَﻠَﻰ ﻭَﻫْﻦٍ ﻭَﻓِﺼَﺎﻟُﻪُ
ﻓِﻲ ﻋَﺎﻣَﻴْﻦِ ﺃَﻥْ ﺍﺷْﻜُﺮْ ﻟِﻲ
ﻭَﻟِﻮَﺍﻟِﺪَﻳْﻚَ ﺇِﻟَﻲَّ ﺍﻟْﻤَﺼِﻴﺮُ
“And we have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and
good) to his parents. His mother bore him in
weakness and hardship upon weakness and
hardship, and his weaning is in two years – give
thanks to Me and to your parents. Unto Me is the
final destination.”
(Aayah No. 14, Surah Luqman, Chapter No. 31,
Holy Qur’an).
This is a ruling about both parents, but
mother has a special status for Muslims, as
is evident from special mention of mother in
the verse itself. However, following hadith
shall tell us how high the status of a mother
in Islam is.
It was narrated that Abu Hurairah (RA) said: A
man came to Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) and
asked, “Which of the people is most deserving of
my best companionship?” He said, “Your
mother.” He said, “Then who?” He said, “Then
your mother.” He said, “Then who?” He said,
“Then your mother.” He said, “Then who?” He
said, “Then your father.”
(Hadith No. 5971, Book of Al-Adab, Sahih Bukhari,
Vol. 8; Hadith No. 6500 (2548), Book of Al-Birr,
Sahih Muslim, Vol. 6).
Therefore, the status of mother is three times
more than father.
A.4. Being good to parents leads to Paradise
A Muslim may achieve the ultimate goal of
entering the Paradise by virtue of him/her
being good to his/her parents. In this
context, Allah says:
ﻭَﻭَﺻَّﻴْﻨَﺎ ﺍﻹِﻧﺴَﺎﻥَ ﺑِﻮَﺍﻟِﺪَﻳْﻪِ ﺇِﺣْﺴَﺎﻧﺎً
ﺣَﻤَﻠَﺘْﻪُ ﺃُﻣُّﻪُ ﻛُﺮْﻫﺎً ﻭَﻭَﺿَﻌَﺘْﻪُ ﻛُﺮْﻫﺎً
ﻭَﺣَﻤْﻠُﻪُ ﻭَﻓِﺼَﺎﻟُﻪُ ﺛَﻼﺛُﻮﻥَ ﺷَﻬْﺮﺍً
ﺣَﺘَّﻰ ﺇِﺫَﺍ ﺑَﻠَﻎَ ﺃَﺷُﺪَّﻩُ ﻭَﺑَﻠَﻎَ ﺃَﺭْﺑَﻌِﻴﻦَ
ﺳَﻨَﺔً ﻗَﺎﻝَ ﺭَﺏِّ ﺃَﻭْﺯِﻋْﻨِﻲ ﺃَﻥْ ﺃَﺷْﻜُﺮَ
ﻧِﻌْﻤَﺘَﻚَ ﻗَﺎﻝَ ﺭَﺏِّ ﺃَﻭْﺯِﻋْﻨِﻲ ﺃَﻥْ
ﺃَﺷْﻜُﺮَ ﻧِﻌْﻤَﺘَﻚَ ﺍﻟَّﺘِﻲ ﺃَﻧْﻌَﻤْﺖَ ﻋَﻠَﻲَّ
ﻭَﻋَﻠَﻰ ﻭَﺍﻟِﺪَﻱَّ ﻭَﺃَﻥْ ﺃَﻋْﻤَﻞَ ﺻَﺎﻟِﺤﺎً
ﺗَﺮْﺿَﺎﻩُ ﻭَﺃَﺻْﻠِﺢْ ﻟِﻲ ﻓِﻲ ﺫُﺭِّﻳَّﺘِﻲ
ﺇِﻧِّﻲ ﺗُﺒْﺖُ ﺇِﻟَﻴْﻚَ ﻭَﺇِﻧِّﻲ ﻣِﻦْ
ﺍﻟْﻤُﺴْﻠِﻤِﻴﻦَ
“And we have enjoined on man to be dutiful and
kind to his parents. His mother bears him with
hardship. And she brings him forth with hardship,
and the bearing of him, and the weaning of him is
thirty months, till when he attains full strength
and reaches forty years, he says: My Lord! Grant
me the power and ability that I may be grateful
for Your Favour which You have bestowed upon
me and upon my parents, and that I may do
righteous good deeds, such as please You, and
make my offspring good. Truly, I have turned to
You in repentance, and truly, I am one of the
Muslims.”
ﺃُﻭْﻟَﺌِﻚَ ﺍﻟَّﺬِﻳﻦَ ﻧَﺘَﻘَﺒَّﻞُ ﻋَﻨْﻬُﻢْ ﺃَﺣْﺴَﻦَ
ﻣَﺎ ﻋَﻤِﻠُﻮﺍ ﻭَﻧَﺘَﺠﺎﻭَﺯُ ﻋَﻦْ ﺳَﻴِّﺌَﺎﺗِﻬِﻢْ
ﻓِﻲ ﺃَﺻْﺤَﺎﺏِ ﺍﻟْﺠَﻨَّﺔِ ﻭَﻋْﺪَ ﺍﻟﺼِّﺪْﻕِ
ﺍﻟَّﺬِﻱ ﻛَﺎﻧُﻮﺍ ﻳُﻮﻋَﺪُﻭﻥَ
“They are those from whom We shall accept the
best of their deeds and overlook their evil deeds.
(They shall be) among the dwellers of Paradise –
a promise of truth, which they have been
promised.”
(Aayah No’s 15 & 16, Surah Al-Ahqaf, Chapter No.
46, Holy Qur’an).
These glorious verses tell us that people who
are good to their parents and pray to Allah
thanking Him for His Favours to them, Allah
shall overlook their evil deeds, forgive them
of that and grant them the entry to
Paradise, the ultimate destination. May Allah
guide us to be likes of those… Ameen.
There are many ahadith also which tell us
that a man may achieve a place in Paradise
by virtue of him/her being good to the
parents. Please go through following
narration:
It was narrated from Mu’awiyah bin Jahimah As-
Sulami, that Jahimah came to the Prophet
(PBUH) and said, “O Messenger of Allah! I want
to go out and fight (in Jihad) and I have come to
ask your advice.” He said, “Do you have a
mother?” He said, “Yes.” He said, “Then stay
with her, for Paradise is beneath her feet.”
(Hadith No. 3106, Book of Jihad, Sunan An-
Nasa’i, Vol. 4).
This explains that serving the parents is a
very important duty of every Muslim. When it
is said that ‘Paradise is beneath the feet of
mother‘, it actually means that a person may
achieve a place in paradise by serving his/her
parents, by being kind to them, by obeying them.
Greatness of mother is also highlighted yet
again in this narration.
A.5. Not being good to parents leads to Hell
In continuation to the two verses mentioned
above, in next two verses of same Chapter,
Allah then tells us about those who are not
dutiful to their parents, negligent towards
their parents and not good to them.
ﻭَﺍﻟَّﺬِﻱ ﻗَﺎﻝَ ﻟِﻮَﺍﻟِﺪَﻳْﻪِ ﺃُﻑٍّ ﻟَﻜُﻤَﺎ
ﺃَﺗَﻌِﺪَﺍﻧِﻨِﻲ ﺃَﻥْ ﺃُﺧْﺮَﺝَ ﻭَﻗَﺪْ ﺧَﻠَﺖْ
ﺍﻟْﻘُﺮُﻭﻥُ ﻣِﻦْ ﻗَﺒْﻠِﻲ ﻭَﻫُﻤَﺎ
ﻳَﺴْﺘَﻐِﻴﺜَﺎﻥِ ﺍﻟﻠَّﻪَ ﻭَﻳْﻠَﻚَ ﺁﻣِﻦْ ﺇِﻥَّ
ﻭَﻋْﺪَ ﺍﻟﻠَّﻪِ ﺣَﻖٌّ ﻓَﻴَﻘُﻮﻝُ ﻣَﺎ ﻫَﺬَﺍ ﺇِﻻَّ
ﺃَﺳَﺎﻃِﻴﺮُ ﺍﻷَﻭَّﻟِﻴﻦَ
“But he who says to his parents: ‘Fie upon you
both! Do you hold out the promise to me that I
shall be raised up when generations before me
have passed away?’ While they invoke Allah for
help: ‘Woe to you! Believe! Verily, the Promise of
Allah is true.’ But he says: ‘This is nothing but the
tales of the ancient.”
ﺃُﻭْﻟَﺌِﻚَ ﺍﻟَّﺬِﻳﻦَ ﺣَﻖَّ ﻋَﻠَﻴْﻬِﻢْ ﺍﻟْﻘَﻮْﻝُ
ﻓِﻲ ﺃُﻣَﻢٍ ﻗَﺪْ ﺧَﻠَﺖْ ﻣِﻦْ ﻗَﺒْﻠِﻬِﻢْ ﻣِﻦْ
ﺍﻟْﺠِﻦِّ ﻭَﺍﻹِﻧﺲِ ﺇِﻧَّﻬُﻢْ ﻛَﺎﻧُﻮﺍ
ﺧَﺎﺳِﺮِﻳﻦَ
“They are those against whom the Word (of
torment) is justified among the previous
generations of jinn and mankind that have passed
away. Verily, they are ever the losers.”
(Aayah No’s 17 & 18, Surah Al-Ahqaf, Chapter No.
46, Holy Qur’an).
Such people have been termed as losers and
Allah says that the torment is justified on
people like these. In this context, let me
mention one important hadith highlighting
the severity of being not good to the
parents. Please remember that disobeying the
parents, not being good to them and not
respecting them is one of the major sins in
Islam. Following hadith explains this:
Abdur Rahman bin Abi Bakrah narrated from his
father, who said: Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) said
(thrice), “Shall I not tell you of the biggest of the
major sins?” They said, “Of course, O Messenger
of Allah!.” He said, “To join partners with Allah
and disobeying one’s parents.” He said: He sat
up, and he was reclining. He said, “And false
testimony, or false speech.” And Allah’s
Messenger (PBUH) would not stop saying it until
we said (to ourselves): I wish that he would stop.
(Hadith No. 1901, Chapters on Righteousness,
Jami’ At-Tirmidhi, Vol. 4; Hadith No. 5976, Book
of Al-Adab, Sahih Bukhari, Vol. 8).
A.6. What to do if parents ask us to do acts which
are against Allah?
This is a very serious question for every
Muslim. And every one of us should know the
answer to this question very clearly. We have
been talking of obeying and respecting the
parents; and how a person may be doomed if
he/she disobeys his/her parents. But what
to do if a situation occurs where one is
asked by his/her parents to do something
whereas that thing is not allowed by Allah?
The ideal approach recommended by Islam for
such a case is as follows:
A.6.1. Do not obey parents if they ask to do
something against Allah’s wish.
ﻭَﻭَﺻَّﻴْﻨَﺎ ﺍﻹِﻧْﺴَﺎﻥَ ﺑِﻮَﺍﻟِﺪَﻳْﻪِ ﺣُﺴْﻨﺎً
ﻭَﺇِﻥْ ﺟَﺎﻫَﺪَﺍﻙَ ﻟِﺘُﺸْﺮِﻙَ ﺑِﻲ ﻣَﺎ
ﻟَﻴْﺲَ ﻟَﻚَ ﺑِﻪِ ﻋِﻠْﻢٌ ﻓَﻼ ﺗُﻄِﻌْﻬُﻤَﺎ ﺇِﻟَﻲَّ
ﻣَﺮْﺟِﻌُﻜُﻢْ ﻓَﺄُﻧَﺒِّﺌُﻜُﻢْ ﺑِﻤَﺎ ﻛُﻨْﺘُﻢْ
ﺗَﻌْﻤَﻠُﻮﻥَ
“And We have enjoined on man to be good &
dutiful to his parents; but if they strive to make
you join with Me anything of which you have no
knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your
return and I shall tell you what you need to do.”
(Aayah No. 8, Surah Al-Ankabut, Chapter No. 29,
Holy Qur’an).
This verse is very clear that one is not
supposed to obey his/her parents if they ask
him to do anything which is prohibited in
Islam. The verse is regarding not obeying
parents if they ask you to join partners (in
worship) with Allah, as shall be evident by
other verses which we shall discuss in Section
A.6.2 . However, it does not apply only to
associating partners with Allah; any wish of
parents which is against Allah or His Messenger
(PBUH) is not to be obeyed .
In this context, let me highlight one common
mistake which we fall prey to. In our love for
parents, we tend to exceed the limits of love
and end up doing things to please our
parents which are against Allah’s wish. But
we must remember that our love for Allah
should be supreme, above all; otherwise we
end up committing a sin. Refer to following
verse from Qur’an:
ﻗُﻞْ ﺇِﻥْ ﻛَﺎﻥَ ﺁﺑَﺎﺅُﻛُﻢْ ﻭَﺃَﺑْﻨَﺎﺅُﻛُﻢْ
ﻭَﺇِﺧْﻮَﺍﻧُﻜُﻢْ ﻭَﺃَﺯْﻭَﺍﺟُﻜُﻢْ ﻭَﻋَﺸِﻴﺮَﺗُﻜُﻢْ
ﻭَﺃَﻣْﻮَﺍﻝٌ ﺍﻗْﺘَﺮَﻓْﺘُﻤُﻮﻫَﺎ ﻭَﺗِﺠَﺎﺭَﺓٌ
ﺗَﺨْﺸَﻮْﻥَ ﻛَﺴَﺎﺩَﻫَﺎ ﻭَﻣَﺴَﺎﻛِﻦُ
ﺗَﺮْﺿَﻮْﻧَﻬَﺎ ﺃَﺣَﺐَّ ﺇِﻟَﻴْﻜُﻢْ ﻣِﻦْ ﺍﻟﻠَّﻪِ
ﻭَﺭَﺳُﻮﻟِﻪِ ﻭَﺟِﻬَﺎﺩٍ ﻓِﻲ ﺳَﺒِﻴﻠِﻪِ
ﻓَﺘَﺮَﺑَّﺼُﻮﺍ ﺣَﺘَّﻰ ﻳَﺄْﺗِﻲَ ﺍﻟﻠَّﻪُ ﺑِﺄَﻣْﺮِﻩِ
ﻭَﺍﻟﻠَّﻪُ ﻻ ﻳَﻬْﺪِﻱ ﺍﻟْﻘَﻮْﻡَ ﺍﻟْﻔَﺎﺳِﻘِﻴﻦَ
“Say: If your fathers (i.e. parents), your sons (i.e.
kids), your brothers (i.e. siblings), your wives (i.e.
spouses), your kindred, the wealth that you have
gained, the commerce (business) in which you
fear a decline and the dwellings in which you
delight are dearer to you more than Allah, His
Messenger and Striving hard & fighting in His
Cause, then wait until Allah brings about His
Decision. And Allah guides not the people who are
Al-Fasiqun .”
(Aayah No. 24, Surah Al-Taubah, Chapter No. 9,
Holy Qur’an).
This is a type of ‘Shirk’; we have talked
about it in detail in a separate discussion
(refer to article ‘Some other forms of Shirk‘,
available on www.quranandhadith.com ).
Remember, Allah’s word is supreme.
A.6.2. Even in such a case the honour and respect
of parents is to be kept.
ﻭَﻭَﺻَّﻴْﻨَﺎ ﺍﻹِﻧﺴَﺎﻥَ ﺑِﻮَﺍﻟِﺪَﻳْﻪِ ﺣَﻤَﻠَﺘْﻪُ
ﺃُﻣُّﻪُ ﻭَﻫْﻨﺎً ﻋَﻠَﻰ ﻭَﻫْﻦٍ ﻭَﻓِﺼَﺎﻟُﻪُ
ﻓِﻲ ﻋَﺎﻣَﻴْﻦِ ﺃَﻥْ ﺍﺷْﻜُﺮْ ﻟِﻲ
ﻭَﻟِﻮَﺍﻟِﺪَﻳْﻚَ ﺇِﻟَﻲَّ ﺍﻟْﻤَﺼِﻴﺮُ
“And We have enjoined on man to his parents. His
mother bore him in weakness & hardship upon
weakness & hardship, and his weaning is in two
years – give thanks to Me and to your parents.
Unto Me is the final destination.”
ﻭَﺇِﻥْ ﺟَﺎﻫَﺪَﺍﻙَ ﻋَﻠﻰ ﺃَﻥْ ﺗُﺸْﺮِﻙَ ﺑِﻲ
ﻣَﺎ ﻟَﻴْﺲَ ﻟَﻚَ ﺑِﻪِ ﻋِﻠْﻢٌ ﻓَﻼ ﺗُﻄِﻌْﻬُﻤَﺎ
ﻭَﺻَﺎﺣِﺒْﻬُﻤَﺎ ﻓِﻲ ﺍﻟﺪُّﻧْﻴَﺎ ﻣَﻌْﺮُﻭﻓﺎً
ﻭَﺍﺗَّﺒِﻊْ ﺳَﺒِﻴﻞَ ﻣَﻦْ ﺃَﻧَﺎﺏَ ﺇِﻟَﻲَّ ﺛُﻢَّ
ﺇِﻟَﻲَّ ﻣَﺮْﺟِﻌُﻜُﻢْ ﻓَﺄُﻧَﺒِّﺌُﻜُﻢْ ﺑِﻤَﺎ ﻛُﻨﺘُﻢْ
ﺗَﻌْﻤَﻠُﻮﻥَ
“But if they strive with you to make you join in
worship with Me others that of which you have no
knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with
them in the world kindly, and follow the path of
him who turns to Me in repentance and in
obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I
shall tell you what you used to do.”
(Aayah No’s 14 & 15, Surah Luqman, Chapter No.
31, Holy Qur’an).
Therefore, even if we do not obey our
parents for their wishes which are against
Allah’s wish, still we have to be kind with
them. This does not give us the chance or
opportunity to misbehave with the parents.
In any case, we have to maintain the
dignity, honour and respect of the parents.
A.7. Parents’ right to inheritance
If a person dies, and leaves behind some of
his/her wealth, and the parents of the
deceased are alive at that time, they have a
legal share from the wealth left behind. This
ruling is clearly mentioned in following verse
of Qur’an:
ﻳُﻮﺻِﻴﻜُﻢْ ﺍﻟﻠَّﻪُ ﻓِﻲ ﺃَﻭْﻻﺩِﻛُﻢْ ﻟِﻠﺬَّﻛَﺮِ
ﻣِﺜْﻞُ ﺣَﻆِّ ﺍﻷُﻧﺜَﻴَﻴْﻦِ ﻓَﺈِﻥْ ﻛُﻦَّ ﻧِﺴَﺎﺀً
ﻓَﻮْﻕَ ﺍﺛْﻨَﺘَﻴْﻦِ ﻓَﻠَﻬُﻦَّ ﺛُﻠُﺜَﺎ ﻣَﺎ ﺗَﺮَﻙَ
ﻭَﺇِﻥْ ﻛَﺎﻧَﺖْ ﻭَﺍﺣِﺪَﺓً ﻓَﻠَﻬَﺎ ﺍﻟﻨِّﺼْﻒُ
ﻭَﻷَﺑَﻮَﻳْﻪِ ﻟِﻜُﻞِّ ﻭَﺍﺣِﺪٍ ﻣِﻨْﻬُﻤَﺎ
ﺍﻟﺴُّﺪُﺱُ ﻣِﻤَّﺎ ﺗَﺮَﻙَ ﺇِﻥْ ﻛَﺎﻥَ ﻟَﻪُ ﻭَﻟَﺪٌ
ﻓَﺈِﻥْ ﻟَﻢْ ﻳَﻜُﻦْ ﻟَﻪُ ﻭَﻟَﺪٌ ﻭَﻭَﺭِﺛَﻪُ ﺃَﺑَﻮَﺍﻩُ
ﻓَﻸُﻣِّﻪِ ﺍﻟﺜُّﻠُﺚُ ﻓَﺈِﻥْ ﻛَﺎﻥَ ﻟَﻪُ ﺇِﺧْﻮَﺓٌ
ﻓَﻸُﻣِّﻪِ ﺍﻟﺴُّﺪُﺱُ ﻣِﻦْ ﺑَﻌْﺪِ ﻭَﺻِﻴَّﺔٍ
ﻳُﻮﺻِﻲ ﺑِﻬَﺎ ﺃَﻭْ ﺩَﻳْﻦٍ ﺁﺑَﺎﺅُﻛُﻢْ
ﻭَﺃَﺑْﻨَﺎﺅُﻛُﻢْ ﻻ ﺗَﺪْﺭُﻭﻥَ ﺃَﻳُّﻬُﻢْ ﺃَﻗْﺮَﺏُ
ﻟَﻜُﻢْ ﻧَﻔْﻌﺎً ﻓَﺮِﻳﻀَﺔً ﻣِﻦْ ﺍﻟﻠَّﻪِ ﺇِﻥَّ
ﺍﻟﻠَّﻪَ ﻛَﺎﻥَ ﻋَﻠِﻴﻤﺎً ﺣَﻜِﻴﻤﺎً
“Allah commands you as regards your children’s
(inheritance): to the male, a portion equal to that
of two females; if only daughters, two or more,
their share is two-thirds of the inheritance; if only
one, her share is half. For parents, a sixth share
of inheritance to each if the deceased left
children; if no children, and parents are the (only)
heirs, the mother has a third; if the deceased left
brothers (or sisters), the mother has a sixth, after
payment of legacies he may have bequeathed or
debts. You know not which of them, whether your
parents or your children, are nearest to you in
benefit; (these fixed shares) are ordained by
Allah. And Allah is Ever All-Knower, All-Wise.”
(Aayah No. 11, Surah An-Nisa’, Chapter No. 4,
Holy Qur’an).
B. RESPONSIBILITIES OF PARENTS
We talked about the rights of parents. We
come to know that among all the
relationships in this world, the greatest is
that with our parents. Islam has given a
very high status to parents. Logically,
rights do not come alone, along with them
come responsibilities. Bigger the rights,
higher the responsibilities! Same stands true
with parents also.
Islam has entrusted parents with some very
crucial responsibilities. Let us see what
those are.
B.1. Earning livelihood
Refer to following verse of Qur’an:
ﺍﻟﺮِّﺟَﺎﻝُ ﻗَﻮَّﺍﻣُﻮﻥَ ﻋَﻠَﻰ ﺍﻟﻨِّﺴَﺎﺀِ ﺑِﻤَﺎ
ﻓَﻀَّﻞَ ﺍﻟﻠَّﻪُ ﺑَﻌْﻀَﻬُﻢْ ﻋَﻠَﻰ ﺑَﻌْﺾٍ
ﻭَﺑِﻤَﺎ ﺃَﻧﻔَﻘُﻮﺍ ﻣِﻦْ ﺃَﻣْﻮَﺍﻟِﻬِﻢْ
ﻓَﺎﻟﺼَّﺎﻟِﺤَﺎﺕُ ﻗَﺎﻧِﺘَﺎﺕٌ ﺣَﺎﻓِﻈَﺎﺕٌ
ﻟِﻠْﻐَﻴْﺐِ ﺑِﻤَﺎ ﺣَﻔِﻆَ ﺍﻟﻠَّﻪُ ﻭَﺍﻟﻼَّﺗِﻲ
ﺗَﺨَﺎﻓُﻮﻥَ ﻧُﺸُﻮﺯَﻫُﻦَّ ﻓَﻌِﻈُﻮﻫُﻦَّ
ﻭَﺍﻫْﺠُﺮُﻭﻫُﻦَّ ﻓِﻲ ﺍﻟْﻤَﻀَﺎﺟِﻊِ
ﻭَﺍﺿْﺮِﺑُﻮﻫُﻦَّ ﻓَﺈِﻥْ ﺃَﻃَﻌْﻨَﻜُﻢْ ﻓَﻼ
ﺗَﺒْﻐُﻮﺍ ﻋَﻠَﻴْﻬِﻦَّ ﺳَﺒِﻴﻼً ﺇِﻥَّ ﺍﻟﻠَّﻪَ ﻛَﺎﻥَ
ﻋَﻠِﻴّﺎً ﻛَﺒِﻴﺮﺍً
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of
women, because Allah has made one of them to
excel the other, and because they spend from
their means. Therefore, the righteous women are
devoutly obedient, and guard in the husband’s
absence what Allah orders them to guard. As to
those women on whose part you see ill-conduct,
admonish them (first), (then) refuse to share
their beds, (and last) beat them; but if they return
to obedience, seek not against them means.
Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great.”
(Aayah No. 34, Surah An-Nisa’, Chapter No. 4,
Holy Qur’an).
This glorious verse of Qur’an tells us the
responsibilities of men and women. On these
guidelines, the fathers (the husbands) are
entrusted with the responsibility of earning
livelihood for their families. Upbringing of
children is not a simple task. Children need
food, they need clothes to wear, they need
medicine to be taken care of in case of
illness etc. All this requires money; it is
father’s duty to earn money so that the
needs of his children (as well as himself and
his other dependants) are taken care of.
I would like to complete this section by
quoting a hadith in this context:
Abdullah bin Amr reported that Allah’s Messenger
(PBUH) said, “It is sufficient for a person to be
sinful that he be negligent to those who he (is
responsible for) feeding.”
(Hadith No. 1692, Book of Zakat, Sunan Abu
Dawud, Vol. 2).
B.2. Taking care of children’s needs at home
during their upbringing
This is one of the most important
responsibilities of parents; and the
responsibility primarily falls on the shoulders of a
mother. Referring to Aayah No. 34 of Surah An-
Nisa’ again, we come to know that woman is
a guardian in her husband’s absence. The
husband goes out to earn livelihood. The wife
stays at home. Therefore, the children spend
most of their time at home with their
mothers. They grow learning everything in
their daily lives from their mothers. This is
an enormous responsibility of a Muslim
mother: arranging dresses for kids,
preparing food for them, ensuring that the
kids take their meals at proper times,
ensuring that kids stay safe during their
free time at home, helping kids in bathroom/
toilets etc., providing them medicines on
time if they are ill, helping the kids in their
studies at home… the list is endless.
Whatever things we can think of in our daily
lives at home, mothers bear the
responsibility of dealing with them in
context of their children.
Children learn habits from their parents;
more from their mothers. Children learn
manners from their parents, yet again more
from their mothers. Children get more love
and affection from mothers. They understand
the discipline in life, the meaning of life, the
emotional side of it, the cooperative side of
it and the homely side of it, all from their
mothers.
Thus, upbringing of the children is one of the
biggest responsibilities of being a mother. It
starts from the time a child spends in the
womb of mother, goes through the time the
mother provides the child breastfeeding, till
the child grows up to take care of his/her
needs himself/herself. Still the efforts of the
mother do not end. Owing to her nature, her
love and care for her kids, she keeps working
for them till her last.
This takes a lot of effort for a woman. But
this is what Allah wants her to do, for her
success in the Hereafter depends on all this.
This is beautifully explained in following
hadith:
Narrated Ali (RA): Fatima (RA) went to the
Prophet (PBUH) complaining about her sufferings
and hurts from the stone handmill on her hands.
She heard that the Prophet (PBUH) had received
a few slave girls. But she did not find him, so she
mentioned her problem to Aishah (RA). When the
Prophet (PBUH) came, Aishah (RA) informed him
about that. Ali (RA) added: So the Prophet (PBUH)
came to us when we had gone to bed. We wanted
to get up, but he said, “Stay where you are.” Then
he came and sat between me and her, and I felt
the coldness of his feet on my abdomen. He said,
“Shall I direct you to something better than what
you have requested for? When you go to bed, say
‘Subhan Allah‘ thirty-three times, ‘Alhumdolillah‘
thirty-three times, and ‘Allahu Akbar‘ thirty-four
times, for that is better for you than a servant.”
(Hadith No. 5361, Book of Provision, Sahih
Bukhari, Vol. 7).
Just give a thought to this narration. The
Prophet (PBUH) could have given the servant
to his daughter who had to do a lot of hard
work in her husband’s house. But see what
his suggestion was instead?
Our Muslim sisters should take inspiration
from Fatima (RA). Take her as a role model
and stop worrying about the hard work you
have to do at your homes. Allah shall reward
you for that in the Hereafter.
We should remember that the core of an ideal
society is the ‘Institution of Family’, which
is ought to be well-knit and strong. And a
Muslim mother plays a pivotal role in
establishing a proper Muslim family. She is
said to be the custodian of future
generation.
Anas (RA) narrated that Allah’s Messenger
(PBUH) said, “Among the women of this world,
only these four are enough: Maryam bint Imran;
Aasiya, the wife of Fir’aun; Khadija bint Khuwalid
and Fatima (RA).
(Hadith No. 4447, Musnad Abdullah Bin Masood,
Musnad Ahmad Hambal, Vol. 2).
It is worth noting that the Prophet (PBUH)
did not include Syeda Aishah (RA) in this
list. The common feature among these four
great women is that all four were mothers,
involved in upbringing of the kids. This is yet
another proof that the most important
responsibility of a Muslim woman is that of a
mother.
Every Muslim mother should follow the
footsteps of these great names; they should
be their role models. But what is happening
instead is a matter of concern. Present day
Muslim women have totally ignored these
great women. They prefer to follow their
western counterparts instead. What a shame!
I am so disheartened when I see some of our
Muslim sisters pursuing their professional
careers at the cost of their children’s
upbringing. It is true that Islam does not
stop women from pursuing their professional
ambitions; but it is not allowed to do so at
the cost of their primary responsibility. If a
woman’s professional career means leaving the
kids unattended at home, at the mercy of maids,
then such a career has to be abandoned.
B.3. Providing education
Islam emphasizes education. In fact, the
first revelation of Qur’an was concerning
reading and writing, thereby recommending
acquiring knowledge.
Education is a ‘must’ for development of a
personality. And when we talk of education,
it means knowledge of everything; it includes
modern as well as Islamic knowledge. I shall
talk about obligation of imparting Islamic
knowledge to our children exclusively in next
section, Insha’Allah.
Modern education in present times is again
not an easy task. It requires lot of
dedication, hard work, and obviously funds
to support it. Arranging money for
children’s education is also a very big
responsibility of parents, primarily of
fathers. Every parental couple is supposed
to arrange education for their kids as per
their capability. Searching/Choosing a
proper education institute (school/college/
university) is very critical. A rich man may
arrange his kids to study in extremely
expensive schools, whereas a not so affluent
man may arrange a normal school for his
kids. But that does not diminish the poor
man in terms of fulfilling his duty. The point
is that every father should arrange
education for his kids.
B.4. Providing Islamic knowledge
Yet another big responsibility of parents!
Every child is born as a Muslim, whether he/
she is born to parents following any religion.
Then it is the upbringing that develops his/
her personality and the ideology. It is the
responsibility of parents to teach their
children about Islamic values. Let me quote
some verses form Qur’an for better
understanding of this responsibility:
ﻭَﺇِﺫْ ﻗَﺎﻝَ ﻟُﻘْﻤَﺎﻥُ ﻻﺑْﻨِﻪِ ﻭَﻫُﻮَ ﻳَﻌِﻈُﻪُ
ﻳَﺎ ﺑُﻨَﻲَّ ﻻ ﺗُﺸْﺮِﻙْ ﺑِﺎﻟﻠَّﻪِ ﺇِﻥَّ ﺍﻟﺸِّﺮْﻙَ
ﻟَﻈُﻠْﻢٌ ﻋَﻈِﻴﻢٌ
“And when Luqman said to his son when he was
advising him: O my son! Join not in worship
others with Allah. Verily, joining others in worship
with Allah is a great Zulm indeed.”
(Aayah No. 13, Surah Luqman, Chapter No. 31,
Holy Qur’an).
Allah tells us how Luqman advised his son.
His full name was Luqman bin Anqa bin
Sadun, and his son’s name was Tharan. Allah
describes him in the best terms, and states
that he granted him wisdom. Luqman’s
advice to his son has been considered in very
high esteem by Allah, so high that Allah put
forward his advice in Qur’an for the mankind
to follow.
Luqman starts by advising his son to
worship Allah alone. Then he warns his son
that joining others in worship with Allah is
the greatest sin. The advice continues in
following verses:
ﻳَﺎ ﺑُﻨَﻲَّ ﺇِﻧَّﻬَﺎ ﺇِﻥْ ﺗَﻚُ ﻣِﺜْﻘَﺎﻝَ ﺣَﺒَّﺔٍ
ﻣِﻦْ ﺧَﺮْﺩَﻝٍ ﻓَﺘَﻜُﻦْ ﻓِﻲ ﺻَﺨْﺮَﺓٍ ﺃَﻭْ
ﻓِﻲ ﺍﻟﺴَّﻤَﻮَﺍﺕِ ﺃَﻭْ ﻓِﻲ ﺍﻷَﺭْﺽِ
ﻳَﺄْﺕِ ﺑِﻬَﺎ ﺍﻟﻠَّﻪُ ﺇِﻥَّ ﺍﻟﻠَّﻪَ ﻟَﻄِﻴﻒٌ
ﺧَﺒِﻴﺮٌ
“O my son! If it be (anything) equal to the weight
of a grain of mustard seed, and though it be in a
rock, or in the heavens, or in the earth, Allah will
bring it forth. Verily, Allah is Subtle, Weel-
Aware.”
ﻳَﺎ ﺑُﻨَﻲَّ ﺃَﻗِﻢْ ﺍﻟﺼَّﻼﺓَ ﻭَﺃْﻣُﺮْ
ﺑِﺎﻟْﻤَﻌْﺮُﻭﻑِ ﻭَﺍﻧْﻪَ ﻋَﻦْ ﺍﻟْﻤُﻨﻜَﺮِ
ﻭَﺍﺻْﺒِﺮْ ﻋَﻠَﻰ ﻣَﺎ ﺃَﺻَﺎﺑَﻚَ ﺇِﻥَّ ﺫَﻟِﻚَ
ﻣِﻦْ ﻋَﺰْﻡِ ﺍﻷُﻣُﻮﺭِ
“O my son! Perform the Salat, enjoin Al-Maruf ,
and forbid (people) from Al-Munkar , and bear with
patience whatever befalls you. Verily, these are
some of the important commandments.”
ﻭَﻻ ﺗُﺼَﻌِّﺮْ ﺧَﺪَّﻙَ ﻟِﻠﻨَّﺎﺱِ ﻭَﻻ ﺗَﻤْﺶِ
ﻓِﻲ ﺍﻷَﺭْﺽِ ﻣَﺮَﺣﺎً ﺇِﻥَّ ﺍﻟﻠَّﻪَ ﻻ
ﻳُﺤِﺐُّ ﻛُﻞَّ ﻣُﺨْﺘَﺎﻝٍ ﻓَﺨُﻮﺭٍ
“And turn not your face away from men with
pride, nor walk in insolence through the earth.
Verily, Allah likes not any arrogant boaster.”
ﻭَﺍﻗْﺼِﺪْ ﻓِﻲ ﻣَﺸْﻴِﻚَ ﻭَﺍﻏْﻀُﺾْ
ﻣِﻦْ ﺻَﻮْﺗِﻚَ ﺇِﻥَّ ﺃَﻧﻜَﺮَ ﺍﻷَﺻْﻮَﺍﺕِ
ﻟَﺼَﻮْﺕُ ﺍﻟْﺤَﻤِﻴﺮِ
“And be moderate in your walking, and lower your
voice. Verily, the harshest of all voices is the
braying of the asses.”
(Aayah No’s 16 to 19, Surah Luqman, Chapter No.
31, Holy Qur’an).
Luqman continues his advice to his son. He
tells him about the power of Allah by
emphasizing that any sin, be it as small as
the grain of a mustard seed, is not unseen
from Allah. He has the knowledge of all and
He shall bring forth every small sin on the
‘Day of Judgement’.
Then, Luqman advises his son to perform
Salat regularly. This is yet another great
responsibility of parents to teach their
children how to perform Salat and the
importance of performing Salat regularly in
the correct manner. There is also a hadith
about this:
Sabrah bin Ma’bad Al-Juhni narrated that Allah’s
Messenger (PBUH) said, “Teach the boy Salat
when he is seven years old, and beat him (if he
does not pray) when he is ten.”
(Hadith No. 407, Chapters on Salat, Jami’ At-
Tirmidhi, Vol. 1).
The narration is very much self-explanatory.
It is the responsibility of parents to teach
their children about Salat and ensure that
they perform Salat , even if it means
disciplining them to make them do so. Sadly,
some of our Muslim brothers/sisters do not
take this seriously. They do not bother
whether their children perform Salat or not.
Their whole concentration and focus is on
how can they make them look smarter than
other kids, or how good they can be in
English language etc. It doesn’t make a
difference to the parents if their child is
negligent towards Salat, but if he/she shows
even a little bit of insincerity towards his/
her school assignments, the parents do
whatever it takes to ensure that their child
does not ignore his school. They may even
scold or beat their kids in this case. But
when it comes to ignoring Salat, they might
say: Let us not be harsh with them, let us
try to make them understand it humbly, let
us give the child more time for this, the kid
is just so young etc… a line of excuses. I do
not mean that children should ignore their
schools, but what I mean to emphasize and
highlight is that how bad our priorities are.
Really, priorities have taken an ugly shape.
Next Luqman advises his son to enjoin Al-
Maruf and forbid Al-Munkar . This is yet
another great advice that should come from
parents to their children. Kids should learn
what is good and what is bad. They should
be taught to do all good deeds and stay
away from all bad things. They should further
be taught and trained to advise (and call)
others to good things; and at the same time
they should be taught the importance of
stopping others from doing wrong things.
The immediate next advice from Luqman to
his son is to bear patience. This is very
logical because when someone calls people to
truth and/or stops people from wrong
actions, he/she is bound to develop many
opponents. The opponents may try all possible
tricks to inflict hardships on the person.
Sometimes, such people face resistance from
their family members too. In such cases,
person has to be patient and leave
everything to Allah. But he/she is not
supposed to leave the way of truth because
of any of these calamities etc.
Then Luqman advises his son not to be
arrogant, be moderate in walking and talk in
low voice. Thus, parents are responsible for
teaching their children about modesty, good
manners etc.
Based on these guidelines, parents should
ensure that their children are taught the meaning
and importance of Iman, they are taught Qur’an,
they are taught the importance of Islamic values,
they are trained to live their lives as per the
rulings of Islam, they should know the greatness
of this great religion and should be able to defend
their religion by their actions, words and
preaching.
This responsibility falls both on the fathers as well
as mothers. Again, as child spends most of
his/her time with mother at home, mother
shares more burden of this responsibility.
But if a child is left to the mercy of maids,
what can we expect a child to learn. Do the
modern mothers, who vouch for their professional
careers, have an answer to this?
B.5. Other responsibilities
Apart from the major responsibilities
discussed above, parents should also ensure
that they are always with their children
supporting them in their just ambitions/
goals. Parents are like a rock solid support for
their kids , though kids may not be aware of
this unless they lose one or both of their
parents and are left to their own.
Parents should present themselves as an example
for their kids. Children tend to follow the
footsteps of their parents. Therefore, it is
necessary that the parents themselves follow
the Islamic ways of life in all aspects so
that their kids follow their suit. For e.g. if
parents themselves are not regular in
performing Salat, how can they be able to
convince their kids about the importance of
Salat and make them perform Salat regularly?
B.6. Beware of Fitnah of children
ﻭَﺍﻋْﻠَﻤُﻮﺍ ﺃَﻧَّﻤَﺎ ﺃَﻣْﻮَﺍﻟُﻜُﻢْ ﻭَﺃَﻭْﻻﺩُﻛُﻢْ
ﻓِﺘْﻨَﺔٌ ﻭَﺃَﻥَّ ﺍﻟﻠَّﻪَ ﻋِﻨْﺪَﻩُ ﺃَﺟْﺮٌ ﻋَﻈِﻴﻢٌ
“And know that your possessions and your
children are but a Fitnah (trial) and that surely
with Allah is a mighty reward.”
(Aayah No. 28, Surah Al-Anfal, Chapter No. 8,
Holy Qur’an).
Allah tells us that His rewards, favours and
Paradise are better for us than our wealth
and children. Certainly, among our children
there might be enemies for us. It doesn’t
mean that children turn out to be direct
enemies, rather our love and affection for
them acts as our enemy as it might hinder
and divert us from the path of truth.
Allah tests us by everything in this world;
the wealth, the spouses, the children, the
dwellings, the businesses etc., everything is
a trial for us. Allah clarifies about these
trials in another verse of Qur’an:
ﻳَﺎ ﺃَﻳُّﻬَﺎ ﺍﻟَّﺬِﻳﻦَ ﺁﻣَﻨُﻮﺍ ﻻ ﺗُﻠْﻬِﻜُﻢْ
ﺃَﻣْﻮَﺍﻟُﻜُﻢْ ﻭَﻻ ﺃَﻭْﻻﺩُﻛُﻢْ ﻋَﻦْ ﺫِﻛْﺮِ
ﺍﻟﻠَّﻪِ ﻭَﻣَﻦْ ﻳَﻔْﻌَﻞْ ﺫَﻟِﻚَ ﻓَﺄُﻭْﻟَﺌِﻚَ ﻫُﻢْ
ﺍﻟْﺨَﺎﺳِﺮُﻭﻥَ
“O you who believe! Let not your properties or
your children divert you from the remembrance of
Allah. And whosoever does that, then they are the
losers.”
(Aayah No. 9, Surah Al-Munafiqun, Chapter No.
63, Holy Qur’an).
Parents tend to resort to unfair means to
fulfill the demands of their kids and other
dependants. The urge to provide their kids
with all the worldly pleasures, and their blind
love for their children sometimes takes
precedence over the rulings of Islam. While
doing so, a person tends to ignore what
Allah says; he does not care whether what he
is earning is by legal means or illegal means;
he does not care that rights of Allah and His
Messenger (PBUH) are much above the rights
of anyone else in this world.
Allah warns us about not letting our children
act as Fitnah and divert us from the path of
Allah, the path of truth. Warning is severe:
whoever is diverted from the path of Allah
due to his/her love for children and wealth,
he/she is among the losers. Let all parents be
extremely careful in this.
This is similar to what we discussed in
Section A.6.1 ; parents should (also) ensure
that their love for their children does not
exceed their love for Allah and His Messenger
(PBUH). I again refer the attention of
readers to Aayah No. 24 of Surah Al-Taubah
(Chapter No. 9, Holy Qur’an) .
Concluding Remarks
These two stages, of dealing with your
parents and later on playing the role of a
parent, come in the lives of almost all the
human beings, barring a few who do not get
children or are not lucky enough to see their
parents in their lives.
Let us bear in our minds the following:
a. Give the rights of parents to them the way they
deserve them. Remember this hadith:
Abdullah bin Amr narrated that the Prophet
(PBUH) said, “The Lord’s pleasure is in the
parent’s pleasure and the Lord’s anger is in
parent’s anger.”
(Hadith No. 1899, Chapters on Righteousness,
Jami’ At-Tirmidhi, Vol. 4).
and,
b. Parents should perform their duties towards
children in the manner they are supposed to.
Following hadith should be kept in mind:
Narrated Ibn Umar (RA): The Prophet (PBUH)
said, “All of you are guardians and are
responsible for your words. The ruler is a guardian
and the man is a guardian of his family; the lady
is a guardian and is responsible for her husband’s
house and his off-spring; and so all of you are
guardians and are responsible for your wards.”
(Hadith No. 5200, Book of Nikah, Sahih Bukhari,
Vol. 7).
And Allah knows best.
May Allah forgive me if I am wrong and guide us
to the right path…Ameen.
ﺳُﺒْﺤَﺎﻥَ ﺭَﺑِّﻚَ ﺭَﺏِّ ﺍﻟْﻌِﺰَّﺓِ ﻋَﻤَّﺎ ﻳَﺼِﻔُﻮﻥ َ ;
ﻭَﺳَﻼﻡٌ ﻋَﻠَﻰ ﺍﻟْﻤُﺮْﺳَﻠِﻴﻦَ ; ﻭَﺍﻟْﺤَﻤْﺪُ ﻟِﻠَّﻪِ ﺭَﺏِّ
ﺍﻟْﻌَﺎﻟَﻤِﻴﻦَ

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