How to make love to your Wife in Islam

How to make love to your wife in Islam!
How To Make Love To Your Wife In Islam: Since sexual
intercourse between husband and wife in Islam is an
act of worship, it should be practiced according to
the teaching of Islam. One may ask about how sexual
intercourse could become an act of worship!? The
answer to this question is clearly stated in the
hadith of the prophet (saw) that in one's sexual
intimacy with one's life partner there is sadaqa. And
we all know that Sadaqa is a highly rewarded act of
worship in Islam. The prophet was very explicit in
the hadith reported by Muslim: "In the sexual act of
each of you there is a sadaqa." The Companions replied:
"0 Messenger of Allah! When one of us fulfils his sexual
desire, will he be given a reward for that?" And he said,
"Do you not think that were he to act upon it unlawfully, he
would be sinning? Likewise, if he acts upon it lawfully he
will be rewarded” (Muslim)
The hadith above only makes sense if the sexual
intercourse is raised above the animal level because
one’s character plays a very important role in
exercising intercourse. It should be practiced within
the Quranic paradigm of love, affection and mercy.
Allah says: And among His Signs is this, that He
created for you mates from among yourselves, that
ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has
put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in
that are Signs for those who reflect. Taqi Usmani:
And it is among His signs that He has created for
you wives from among yourselves, so that you may
find tranquility in them, and He has created love and
kindness between you. Surely in this there are signs
for a people who reflect. (Quran: 30:21)
The Prophet (saw) said: “The most perfect of believers
are those most perfect of character; and the best of you
are the best of you to your spouses.” (Tirmidhi, Ibn
Hibban) In another hadith of ibn Hibban: “The best of
you are the best to their wives, and I am the best of you
with my wives.” Ibn Hibban
When intention is made by the wife and the husband
to exercise sexual intercourse, the following should
be practiced: 1- wife-husband should recite the
following dua before making Love/Sex “Bismillahi,
Allahumma jannibnaa ash-shaitaana, wa jannib ash-
shaitaana maa razaqtanna” “In the name of Allah, O Allah,
keeps us away from the devil, and keep the devil away
from that which You may grant us (ie.
offspring). ” (Bukhari / Muslim)
According to the teaching of the Prophet (saw), if
the above dua is recited before intercourse, and
Allah decrees that the married couple will have a
child, the devil will never be able to harm that child.
(Bukharee)
2- Foreplay between the spouses
Imam Ibn al-Qayyim (Allah have mercy on him)
reports in his famous “Tibb al-Nabawi” that the
Prophet (saw) forbade from engaging in sexual
intercourse before foreplay. (Al-Tibb al-Nabawi, 183,
from Jabir ibn Abd Allah)
Foreplay between the spouses before actually
engaging into sexual intercourse is immensely
important (especially for the wife) and a vital
ingredient for a happy and prosperous marriage,
that which should never be neglected. The husband
should sexually arouse his wife before having sex
(Oral Sex). It is indeed selfish on the husband’s part
that he fulfils his sexual needs and desires, whilst
his wife remains unsatisfied and discontented.
Failure in satisfying the wife can have terrible
consequences on one’s marriage. Thats why the
prophet forbade sexual intercouse without foreplay,
to guarantee and to protect the sexual pleasures
and rights of the wife in bed.
Islam recognizes a woman’s need of love , affection
and foreplay. Women tend to be more romantic than
men. They like to hear tender words, to be praised,
to feel that they are being cared for, to be the main
concern of their husbands and the one to whom he
directs his ardent love (thats why the prophet
forbade engaging in sexual intercourse before
foreplay). In Islam it is a women’s right to be
satisfied by her husband in bed. Islam stresses the
importance of mutual sexual satisfaction between
marriage partners in the following Quranic verse:
Permitted to you, on the night of the fasts, is the
approach to your wives. They are your garments and
ye are their garments. Allah knoweth what ye used
to do secretly among yourselves; but He turned to
you and forgave you; so now associate with them,
and seek what Allah Hath ordained for you……
(Quran:2:187)
Taqi Usmani] It is made lawful for you, in the
nights of fasts, to have sex with your women. They
are apparel for you, and you are apparel for them.
Allah knows that you have been betraying yourselves,
so He relented towards you and pardoned you. So
now you can have sexual intimacy with them and
seek what Allah has destined for you….(Quran:2:187)
A garment brings satisfaction, comfort, protection
and warmness! These are the things a husband must
strife to give his wife during intercourse!
Tafsir Ibn Kathir regarding sexual intercourse
(penetration to the Vagina) of the Quranic verse:
Quran:2:187 (They are Libas i.e., body-cover, or
screen for you and you are Libas for them.) Ibn
`Abbas, Mujahid, Sa`id bin Jubayr, Al-Hasan,
Qatadah, As-Suddi and Muqatil bin Hayyan said that
this Ayah means, "Your wives are a resort for you
and you for them.'' Ar-Rabi` bin Anas said, "They
are your cover and you are their cover.'' In short,
the wife and the husband are intimate and have
sexual intercourse with each other, and this is why
they were permitted to have sexual activity during
the nights of Ramadan, so that matters are made
easier for them .Abu Ishaq reported that Al-Bara'
bin `Azib said, "When the Companions of Allah's
Messenger observed fast but would sleep before
breaking their fast, they would continue fasting
until the following night. Qays bin Sirmah Al-Ansari
was fasting one day and was working in his land.
When the time to break the fast came, he went to
his wife and said, `Do you have food' She said, `No.
But I could try to get you some.' His eyes then were
overcome by sleep and when his wife came back, she
found him asleep. She said, `Woe unto you! Did you
sleep' In the middle of the next day, he lost
consciousness and mentioned what had happened to
the Prophet . Then, this Ayah was revealed: )
So we clearly see that the sahaba (companions of
the prophet) understood that during sexual
intercouse each spouse has to be a resort for the
other ( by satisfying each others sexuel needs, just
like a garment brings comfort and satisfaction)
3- keep away from sexual intercourse during
menstruation
Quran:2:222 ﴾ Abdullah Yousuf Ali] They ask thee
concerning women's courses. Say: They are a hurt
and pollution: So keep away from women in their
courses, and do not approach them until they are
clean. But when they have purified themselves, ye
may approach them in any manner, time, or place
ordained for you by Allah. For Allah loves those who
turn to Him constantly and He loves those who keep
themselves pure and clean. Taqi Usmani] They ask
you about menstruation. Say: It is an impurity. So,
keep away from women during menstruation; and do
not have intimacy with them until they are cleansed.
But when they are cleansed, then go to them from
where Allah has commanded you. Surely Allah loves
those who are most repenting, and loves those who
keep themselves pure.
The Prophet (saw)also stated: “Every game a person
plays is futile except for archery, training one’s
horse and playing with one’s wife (foreplay and
kissing) ”. (Sunan Tirmidhi, Musnad Ahmad, Sunan Ibn
Majah).
(Quran:2:223) Your wives are as a tilth unto you;
so approach your tilth when or how ye will; but do
some good act for your souls beforehand; and fear
Allah. And know that ye are to meet Him (in the
Hereafter), and give (these) good tidings to those
who believe. [ Taqi Usmani] Your women are tillage
for you to cultivate. So, come to your tillage from
where you wish, and advance something for
yourselves, and fear Allah, and know that you are to
meet Him, and give good news to the believers. [
4-The wisedom of Allah swt for using the words
‘Your wives are as a tilth unto you’(2:223):
Sex is not a thing to be ashamed of, or to be
treated lightly , or to be indulged to the excess. It
is as solemn a fact as any in life. It is compared to
as husbandman’s tilth; it is a serious affair to him;
he sows the seed in order to reap the harvest. But
he chooses his own time and mode of cultivation. He
does not sow out of season nor cultivate in a
manner which will injure or exhaust the soil. He is
wise and considerate and does not run riot. Coming
from the simile to human beings, every kind of
mutual consideration is required , but above all, we
must remember that even in these matters there is
a spiritual aspect. We must never forget our souls,
and that we are responsible to Allah.(Commentary
note 249pg90 The Meaning of The Holy Qur’an,
Abdullah Yusuf Ali)
Commentary of Mawlana-Abul-Ala-Mawdudi:
"The farmer sows the seed in order to reap the
harvest, but he does not sow it out of season or
cultivate it in a manner which will injure or exhaust
the soil. He is wise and considerate, and does not
run riot." (Afzalur Rahman, Quranic Sciences,
London 1981, p.285)
The words ‘and fear Allah (2:223) ‘ , shows how
important it is in Islam for husbands to act in a
proper and loving way with their wives during
intercourse.
If any of you has sex with his wife let he be true to
her. If he attains his pleasure before her then he
shouldn't hurry her away until she also attains her
pleasure." (Narrated by Anas)
Imam al-Daylami (Allah have mercy on him) records
a narration on the authority of Anas ibn Malik (Allah
be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah
(Allah bless him & give him peace) is reported to
have said: “One of you should not fulfil one’s
(sexual) need from one’s wife like an animal, rather
there should be between them foreplay of kissing and
words.” (Musnad al-Firdaws Of al-Daylami, 2/55)
5-Kissing:
Kissing one’s spouse is also of utmost importance
in general. It is a Sunnah of the Prophet
(saw). )Sayyida A’isha (ra)) narrates that the
Prophet of Allah(saw) would kiss one of his wives
and then leave for prayer (salat) without performing
ablution (wudu). Urwa(ra) says that I asked A’isha:
“It must have been you?” (Upon hearing this) A’isha
(ra) smiled.”(Sunan al-Tirmizi no.86 Abu Dawood,
no.181, Al-Nissai no.170)
Sayyida A’isha (ra) says: “The Prophet of Allah(saw)
would kiss me before leaving for prayers, and he
would not perform an ablution.” (Sunan al-Darqutni,
1/49 and others)
The above two narrations indicate the
recommendation of kissing one’s spouse. They also
show the importance of greeting the wife when
entering the house with a kiss and departing with a
kiss. This was the Sunnah of the beloved Prophet of
Allah(saw). Thus, it is inappropriate for husbands to
leave the home in a hurry without even greeting the
wife in a proper manner with hugs and kisses, and
then entering the house with the first question on
whether the food is cooked etc.. Passionate kissing
(or French kissing) is also the Sunnah of Prophet of
Allah(saw).
Sayyida A’isha (ra) narrates that the Prophet of
Allah(saw) would kiss her whilst he was fasting and
he would suck her tongue.” (Sunan Abu Dawud, no.
2378)
6-How Husband should come to Wife
It is allowed for a Muslim man to enter his wife in
her vagina from any direction he wishes – from
behind or from the front. About this Allah revealed
the following verse:“Your wives are a tilth unto
you; so approach your tilth when or how ye
will” [Al-Quran: al-Baqarah 2:223]
There are also various hadith on this subject, one of
them is:
“On the authority of Jaabir (RA) who said: “The
Jews used to say that if a man entered his wife in
the vagina from behind, their child would be cross-
eyed! Then Allah revealed the verse: “Your wives are
as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or
how ye will;” [al-Baqarah 2:223]. The Prophet said:
“From the front or the back, as long as it is in the
vagina”. [Al-Bukharee and Muslim]
The Prohibition of Sodomy
It is forbidden for a Muslim man to enter his wife in
her anus (anal sex). This is understood from the
verse quoted above (i.e. since a “planting ground”
can only refer to a place where something might
grow), and from the narrations cited above. There
are also other hadith on the subject, among them:
“On the authority of Ibn ‘Abbas who said: “‘Umar
ibn Al- Khattaab came to the Prophet and said: ‘O
Messenger of Allah, I am destroyed!’ The Prophet
asked: ‘And what has destroyed you, O ‘Umar?’
‘Umar said: `I turned my mount around last
night.’ (An expression, which means he has sexual
intercourse with his wife penetrating the vagina
while mounting her from the rear.) The Prophet gave
him no answer and when the revelation came and the
verse was revealed which says: “Your wives are as a
tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how
ye will;” [al-Baqarah 2:223] and the Prophet said:
“From the front and from the back, just beware of
her anus and her menses”. [an-Nisaa'ee in
"`Ishratun-Nisaa" with hasan isnaad, at-Tirmidhee
and others]“
Making Wudhu’ between 2 acts with one’s wife
When a Muslim man has had sexual intercourse with
his wife in the legal manner and then wishes to
return another time, he should first perform wudhu’,
based on the statement of the Prophet (saw): “When
one of you comes to his wife and then wishes to
return another time, let him perform wudu between
the 2 times (In another version, the same wudhu’
which he performs for prayer) for verily, it will
invigorate his return.” [Muslim, Ibn Abi Shaibah and
others].
The Bathing of Husband and Wife together
After making love , it is permissible for the husband
and wife to bath together in the same place even
though he sees her private parts, and she sees his.
This is established by a number of authentic hadith,
among them:
On the authority of ‘Aa’ishah (radiallahu anha) who
said: “I used to bathe with the Prophet from a
single container of water which was placed between
us such that our hands collided inside it. He used to
race me such that I would say: `Leave some for me,
leave some for me!’ She added: `We were in a state
of Janaba ( i.e. the state of having slept
together).’”[Al-Bukharee and Muslim].

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