-37- Marriage rules in Islam

-37- Bedroom Etiquettes in
Islam
THE RULES OF NIKAH: BEDROOM ETIQUETTES IN ISLAM
by Shaikh Abdullah Faisal
(evening dars: 7.2.11)

1. You should pray to Allah tala and beg Him
constantly for righteous wives and kids
At-Taghabun O you who believe! Verily, among your wives
and your children are your enemies (who may stop you
from the obedience of Allâh), therefore beware of them!
But if you pardon (them) and overlook, and forgive (their
faults), then verily, Allâh is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
(14)
Sincere believers should pray constantly for the
comfort of our eyes
Al-Furqan And those who say: "Our Lord! Bestow on us
from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes,
and make us leaders for the Muttaqûn" (pious ) ." (74)
2. Marry someone (if there is chemistry and you're
100% sure - physical attraction)
And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly
with the orphan girls, then marry (other) women of your
choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall
not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or
(slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to
prevent you from doing injustice. (An-Nisa 4:3)
The Rasool (saws) instructed his Sahabah to look at
their fiancée
From Abu Hurayrah: “I was with the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) when a man came and
told him that he had married a woman of the Ansar. The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said to him, ‘Have you seen her?’ He said, ‘No.’
He said, ‘Go and look at her, for there is something in the
eyes of the Ansar.” (Reported by Muslim, no. 1424; and by
al-Daaraqutni, 3/253 (34))
3. When you marry the woman place your hand on her
forehead and recite the dua
"O Allaah, I ask You for the good in her and the good with
which You have created her, and I seek refuge in You from
the evil in her and the evil with which You have created
her." [Aboo Dawood and others]
4. The wife should beautify herself on her wedding
night
- you can wear lingerie and stockings and makeup
and perfume and this is encouraged
Asmaa' bint Yazid ibn As-Sakan: "I beautified 'As'ishah for
Allaah's Messenger, then called him to come to see her
unveiled. He came, sat next to her, and brought a large
cup of milk from which he drank. Then, he offered it to
'Aa'ishah, but she lowered her head and felt shy. I scolded
her and said to her: "Take from the hand of the Prophet."
She then took it and drank some. Then, the Prophet said to
her, "Give some to your companion." At that point, I said:
"O Messenger of Allaah, rather take it yourself and drink,
and then give it to me from your hand." He took it, drank
some, and then offered it to me. I sat down and put it on
my knees. Then, I began rotating it and following it with
my lips in order that I might hit the spot from which the
Prophet had drunk. Then, the Prophet said about some
women who were there with me: "Give them some." But,
they said: "We don't want it." (ie. we are not hungry). The
Prophet said: "Do not combine hunger and fibbing!" [Ahmad
and al-Humaidi. Ahmad reports it with 2 Isnaad - one of
which supports the other, and it is supported...]"
5. Pray two rakat together (from scholars not the
Rasool saws)
- this is Islamic tradition
- it is permitted to do this but not fardh
6. Before you consummate the marriage, give your
wife something to eat or drink
- most women like chocolate
7. Make a duaa before consummating
8. Have foreplay before consummating the marriage
- prepares her physical and emotionally
9. All sensual positions are permissible
- as long as you enter your wife in the front of her
private parts
- if a man went to bed w/ his wife and entered her
from [behind] it was called
- ALL FOURS b/c she is on her knees and hands
The Prophet said, "No one among you should have sex
with his wife like animals; rather there should be a
messenger between them." When asked about the
messenger, he said, "It means kissing and talking."
- the Companions in Mecca practiced this w/ their
wives but not in Madinah
- a Sahabah tried to do this but she rejected the
position because she was influenced by the practices
in Madinah
Al-Baqarah Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your
tilth, when or how you will, and send (good deeds, or ask
Allâh to bestow upon you pious offspring) for your
ownselves beforehand. And fear Allâh, and know that you
are to meet Him (in the Hereafter), and give good tidings
to the believers (O Muhammad SAW). (2:223)
- your wife is a piece of land for you to CULTIVATE
so cultivate however you want
- so all positions are permissible but the acrobatic
sensual positions are makrooh
- only women who do yoga can do these positions
10. Sodomy ... is this permissible?
--there is difference of opinion but
- Shaikh's scholars taught that it was not
permitted
On the authority of Jaabir (RA) who said: “The Jews used
to say that if a man entered his wife in the vagina but
from behind, their child would be cross-eyed! Then Allaah
revealed the verse: “Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so
approach your tilth when or how ye will;” [al-Baqarah
2:223].
The Prophet said: “From the front or the back, as long as
it is in the vagina”. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Shiites promote sodomy
- they use 2:223 as evidence
- the same ayah is used to refute the Shiites
- because cultivation can only take place w/ vaginal
intercourse
The Prophet SAWS (Peace & Blessings of Allah be upon
Him) said: "The one who has intercourse with a
menstruating woman, or with a woman in her back
passage, or who goes to a fortune-teller, has disbelieved
in what was revealed to Muhammad." (Reported by al-
Tirmidhi).
- Hadeeth conflict because Umar entered his wife in
the [rear]
- but we need to research to see if this Hadith is
Sahih or not
On the authority of Ibn 'Abbaas who said: "'Umar ibn Al-
Khattaab came to the Prophet and said: 'O Messenger of
Allaah, I am destroyed!' The Prophet asked: 'And what has
destroyed you, O 'Umar?' 'Umar said: `I turned my mount
around last night.' (An expression which means he has
sexual intercourse with his wife penetrating the vagina
while mounting her from the rear.) The Prophet gave him
no answer and when the revelation came and the verse
was revealed which says: "Your wives are as a tilth unto
you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will;" [al-
Baqarah 2:223] and the Prophet said: "From the front and
from the back, just beware of her anus and her menses".
[an-Nasaa'ee in "`Ishratun-Nisaa" with Hasan Isnaad, at-
Tirmidhi and others].
- Umar entered her from the rear but does NOT say
anal s-x
11. You are allowed to speak w/ your wife during
intercourse
- add to # 10 that one of the top Ayatollahs
outlawed anal s-x
- the Hadith re: Umar is about all fours ... entering
from behind / the rear
- this is because the anus wasn't created by Allah
tala for pleasure
- if a woman complains about her husband indulging
in anal s-x,
- the wali can annul the marriage
- what you say must remain between you and your
wife
- there is fabricated hadeeth that says
- it's haraam to speak during intercourse
12. You're permitted to take off your clothing
- Shariah law allows us to take off all your clothing
13. If you practice polygamy,
- you can not go to bed w/ both wives
simultaneously
- it is emotional abuse to make love to one wife in
front of the other
- there are no threesomes in Islam
- you're not to look at private parts of anyone but
your spouse
On the authority of 'Aa'ishah (radiallahu anha) who said: "I
used to bathe with the Prophet from a single container of
water which was placed between us such that our hands
collided inside it. He used to race me such that I would
say: `Leave some for me, leave some for me!' She added:
`We were in a state of Janabah (i.e. the state of having
slept together).'"[Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
14. If man has trouble w/ erectile dysfunction,
- he's permitted to take tablets to help
- but if you're healthy, you're not permitted to
take these tablets
15. You're not permitted to expose bedroom secrets
of each other
- even if you had a great time in bed and you're
impressed so you're tempted to brag
- you're not permitted!
- this will cause friends to want to go to bed w/
your husband / wife
- some female Sahabahs was doing it and
- they compared their sensual lives w/ each other
- the Rasool (saws) asked about this and he said
it's like two shaitaan
On the authority of Asmaa bint Yazid who narrated "that
she was once in the presence of the Prophet and there
were both men and women sitting. The Prophet then said:
"Perhaps a man might discuss what he does with his wife,
or perhaps a woman might inform someone what she did
with her husband?" The people were silent Then I said: "O,
Yes! O Messenger of Allaah verily both the women and
men do that." Then the Prophet said: "Do not do that. It is
like a male shaitaan who meets a female shaitaan along
the way, and has sex with her while the people look
on!" [Ahmad: Hasan or Saheeh due to supports]
16. Oral activities is something the Qur'an and
Hadith keep silent on
- everything is halal except anal sensual activity
The basic ruling regarding the wife seeking pleasure of her
husband's penis is that of permissibility, however, that
which is feared is that this act may lead to possible oral
intake of sperm or prostatic fluids. The Hanaabilah have
indicated the permissibility of a wife kissing her husband's
penis, Also, Asbagh from the Maalikiyyah has indicated the
permissibility of a man kissing his wife's vagina as is
mentioned in «Tafseer al-Qurtubee» [Volume 12, Page
231]
- Qurtabi is a Maliki scholar who lived in Spain
- Shaikh says he claims ignorance
- we didn't uncover anything from Shafi'i or Abu
Hanifa
17. It's not permissible for woman to swallow the
semen of her husband
- neither can the man swallow his wife's discharge
18. You're not permitted to play w/ the anus of
each other
- do not play w/ yours or another's anus
19. It's haraam to use your tongue on the anus of
your spouse
- Islamic Shariah says we're not to imitate the
kufaar
- we put a lid on perversion in society
20. When you're in the bedroom,
- you're not permitted to take toys for sensual
pleasure
- vibrators and dildo are haraam because
- the compete w/ the man's manhood [penis]
- if a man is old and unable to satisfy his wife,
- he still can not use sensual toys
21. To blindfold your wife as a sensual game is
permissible
- if the woman trusts the man, this is allowed
- some games involve blindfolding and fruit
- 4 1/4 grams of gold in charity ... should be given
for WHAT REASON?
22. You're not permitted to go to bed w/ wife when
she is menstruating
- atonement is 4 1/4 grams of gold in charity
23. A woman who was menstruating and then it
stops,
- she is not permitted to go to bed w/ husband
until she makes ghusl
They question thee (O Muhammad) concerning
menstruation. Say: It is an illness, so let women alone at
such times and go not in unto them till they are cleansed.
And when they have purified themselves, then go in unto
them as Allah hath enjoined upon you. Truly Allah loveth
those who turn unto Him, and loveth those who have a
care for cleanness. (Al-Baqarah 2: 222)
A hadith narrated by 'Abdullaah ibn 'Abbaas from the
Prophet in relation to one who enters his wife while she is
on her period as follows: "Let him give one dinar in charity,
or one half dinar." [At-Tirmidhi, Abu Dawood, At-Tabarani
and others: Saheeh].
Besides, he should expiate for this by giving one Dinar of
gold or half a Dinar of gold in charity. A Dinar weight is
4.25 grams of gold. So he should either give one Dinar [or
half a Dinar] of gold or its value in charity.
24. if you went to bed w/ wife and you desired to
have s-x a 2nd time,
- you both need to make Istinjaa and if you make it
w/ wudu,
- it is even better
25. You're allowed to shower together as a couple,
naked
26. You're permitted to have sensual relations in
the shower
27. A woman is allowed to masturbate her husband
until he ejaculates
- the woman can do the same, but neither can use
objects or toys
- he must use his left hand, also
- electric machines to do this are also haraam
- Hanbalis do not permit it w/ toys
- Hanbalis do not permit vibrators
- Hanbalis do not permit it w/ toys (vibrators)
- they try to use these to compete with what Allah
has created
- so they are haraam
- vibrators are created for feminists
- these objects compete w/ Allah tala's creation
- these women think they do not need men
- they are lesbians and believe MEN ARE DAWGS
28. During intercourse ...
- you're permitted to do birth control / coitus
interruptus / ‘azl
- to pull out manhood (penis) before you ejaculate,
you need her permission
- because you're interrupting her pleasure
- you need permission of wife but not concubine
Sahih Muslim :: Book 8, Number 3388: Jabir (Allah be
pleased with him) reported: We used to practise ‘azl
during the lifetime of Allah’s Messenger (may peace be
upon him). This (the news of this practise) reached Allah’s
Apostle (may peace be upon him), and he did not forbid us.
29. Birth control is halal for a woman who is
example:
- wants to finish her education
- she doesn't do anything wrong; it's permitted
30. Abortion is also halal in Islam
- if a woman wants to abort the baby BEFORE 6
WEEKS ... she can
- it is Hanbali fiqh
- Abu Hanifa or Imam Malik disagree
- but it must be before 6 weeks
- because the breath was not put into the child yet
31. The morning-after tablet is permitted
- no one was killed so it's not haraam
32. Pills to grow a woman's breasts or a man's
manhood, it is permitted
- you can buy these pills w/o a prescription in most
countries
33. As for 'pinning down your wife' - we do not say
[rape] the wife ...
- in Shariah, pinning down is only when you're wife
someone haraam for you
- so there is no 'pinning down' w/ your wife:
- sensual acts are permitted w/ her
- the greatest fantasy of a married woman is to be
pinned down by their husbands
- please do it playfully
- both need to be in the mood for it
34. You get so much barakah each time you go to
bed w/ your wife!
- a man w/ a high libido gets more barakah than a
man w/a low libido
- the man w/ multiple wives gets even more barakah
"A woman is not allowed to do voluntary fast without
husband’s permission when he is present." Bulugh-al-
maram
"....having sexual intercourse with your wife is a Sadaqah."
They (the Companions) said: "O Messenger of Allah, is
there reward for him who satisfies his sexual passion
among us?" He said: "Tell me, if he were to devote it to
something forbidden, would it not be a sin on his part?
Similarly, if he were to devote it to something lawful, he
should have a reward." [Muslim]
35. It is makrooh to have sensual acts during:
- hurricane, storm, earthquake or tornado
36. Haraam to abuse wife verbally or physically
- then go to bed w/ her (have relations)
37. In Ramadhan, you must wait for athaan of
Maghrib

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