Conversion of Dr. Jeremiah

The story of the conversion of Dr. Jeremiah D.
McAuliffe, Jr., Ph.D. from Christianity to Islam,
followed by his reflections on various topics about
Islam.
Salaams,
Well, here is my story
Bism Allah, Al-Rahmen, Al-Raheem.....
I was raised Catholic and went to a Catholic grade
school and high school-- in the U.S. grade school is
roughly age 5-14 lasting 8 years and high school is
roughly age 14-18 lasting 4 years. Many then go on
to 4 years of college. I am of Irish-American
ethnicity and from an upper middle class economic
background.
I was always interested in religion, as well as things
like psychology, and was reading rather broadly in
the subjects even in late grade school. I often
prayed the rosary and asked for faith, because that
is what the Catholic nuns said one should pray for:
faith.
At the same time, as I grew, I was rather wild: the
whole American "sex, drugs, rock 'n roll" scene, as
the saying goes. What can I say? I like to party!
Nothing too outrageous for a young American, but
wild just the same.
Anyway, in college I studied philosophy and focused
on areas such as philosophy of religion and
existentialism. I also studied a lot in Christianity as
well as Buddhism and other religions, and
psychology. (My background in psychology is strong
enough such that I have done hospital-based clinical
work.)
I very strongly considered being a priest or a monk. I
would visit a particular monastery once in a while
and have twice begun the entrance procedure into a
seminary for the priesthood. (Indeed I was in this
process when I accepted Islam. Isn't that ironic?)
So, after college I wasn't quite sure what to do:
continue school, but wasn't sure if I wanted
philosophy, theology or psychology. I ended up going
to Duquesne University in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
which is in the Mideastern United States. Very
pretty-- hills and rivers and forests. I studied what
is called Formative Spirituality-- which you can
read about at my web site. Essentially, it attempts
to look at human spirituality as a natural human
function-- prior to any theological or specifically
religious discussion of it. I have a Master of Arts
degree (M.A.) and a Doctor of Philosophy degree
(Ph.D.) in this subject. These are among the highest
academic degrees in the U.S. educational system.
(In college you get a Bachelor's degree-- B.A.)
So, that is my background.
I was religious as a child and read the Bible, which
often Catholics do not actually do-- relying on the
priest for the interpretation and understanding. In
college I practiced yoga and Buddhist/Hindu styles
of meditation for about two or three years. Near
the end of my first year in college I made a very
conscious and ritualized type of personal vow to "go
all the way" with religion. To reach enlightenment.
To find God. I promised myself I would not stop.
I did not practice Catholicism at that time, but
later did renew my practice of it.
However, as I studied various theologies, traditions,
and other general religious studies I began to have
major, major problems with Christian thought. For
instance, it seemed clear to me that Prophet Jesus
(God love him!), as a good Jew, would never have
claimed divinity for himself. I concluded he did not
claim to be God and that the Gospel accounts
contained much more theology than biographical
history. But I believed that through Jesus' life and
personality God did indeed reveal His Will...... and
that Jesus is Christ. (As Muslim, I still do believe
that, of course.)
But this was problematic. I didn't really fit
anywhere! And actually, it was rough to know what
to believe, or even if any of it was true. I had
many, many years of really fighting for just a naked
faith in God. Years of praying at night: "If You are
there give it to me. You said ask and you shall
receive. Well, I'm asking. You said knock and the
door will be opened. Well, I'm knocking. You promised
guidance to those who ask for it. I'm asking for
it."
And later I prayed like this: "I am sending this
prayer out to the One True God, the God of
Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses and Jesus. If
You are there guide me, make me Yours..." and
stuff like that. I specifically used this kind of a
phrase naming these people for a good length of
time.
During all this I consciously chose faith in God. This
was pure naked faith-- not really having reasons to
believe, but choosing to do so anyway. I did this
because the saints in the Catholic tradition said to
do so. They would say that often God seems far
away or non-existent-- so keep the faith! Trust God
even though you don't see Him at all. So, that is
what I did.
I remember one time with particular clarity. I was
standing in the hall between my living room and
bedroom-- it all really hit me: I had no reason to
believe in God. None at all. But I remembered all I
had read and said to myself: "I say 'yes' to God in
spite of the fact I have no reason to believe in God.
I choose to say 'yes' and have faith that it is all
true."
I was not really practicing Catholicism. (The last
time I began application to the seminary it was
because I was thinking where else could I go? It
wasn't a perfect fit, but it would be the best fit.)
When it came time to write my dissertation for the
Ph.D. I had to include a section about a religious
tradition that was not my own-- i.e. something
other than Christianity. I chose Islam. Believe it or
not, it was the one religious tradition I knew
nothing about! This struck me as somewhat odd. But
I noticed I did indeed have a prejudice against it. I
felt somewhat repulsed by it, actually. (Stuff left
over from the Crusades just "gets into" Euro-
Americans, I think.) And plus it couldn't possibly be
true-- how could there be revelation after "The
Jesus Event"? It had to be just another guy who
felt "inspired by God" and really effected the people
around him. No big deal.
It was difficult finding decent books on Islam. I had
to get most by mail-order. There was an Islamic
Center here so I began to go there and learn some
things. (I finally learned what happened to Cat
Stevens! I had a bunch of his recordings but never
knew why he disappeared from the scene.)
The people at the Islamic Center were very nice. Not
really what I expected. No one put the slightest
pressure on me to convert. It was nothing like being
around born-again or evangelical Christians, which
was what I half expected. I mean, aren't all Muslims
supposed to be a bit on the crazy-fanatical side?
Well, they weren't like that at all. They simply
presented the information and answered my
questions. No one called me or bothered me or
anything like that. It was rather refreshing, I must
say.
I repeat: there was nothing even resembling pressure
to convert. Just a warm openness and a friendliness
not often encountered in the States. One guy did
try to get me to say the words, but everyone else
jumped on him immediately and told him to be quiet.
(And of course, I would never make a ritual
declaration like that unless I thought it was true.)
This went on for a few years. I was reading a lot
ABOUT Islam, but did not read the Qur'an. Slowly,
my prejudices and repulsion faded away as I learned
the true stories about Muhammad (God love him!),
as well as Muslim history, beliefs and theology.
Then I stopped for a few years as I wasn't going to
finish my dissertation. (It was resumed after I
accepted Islam.)
A few years pass. I read things about Islam here and
there.
At the behest of a good friend (non-Muslim) I read
"The Autobiography of Malcolm X." After reading
this I had a very strong urge to go and get and read
the actual Qur'an. I called around to some
bookstores and ran out and got the translation by
Dawood (the one in the proper order).
I will never forget that day. Ever. I can still see it
happening. Little did I know what I was in for--
that my life and total world-view would be
changed-- that I myself would be changed.
I read the whole thing through in one sitting. I
don't think I even changed position.
Right from the start it grabbed me. The very
beginning-- called Al-Fatiha-- is a prayer. I
immediately liked it as a prayer. It was, in essence,
what I already prayed: You are God the Creator.
Guide me, make me into one of those You love. I
certainly couldn't argue with those sentiments!
Then, in the beginning of the second chapter, it gave
the description of who this book was addressed to:
people who believe in God, establish prayer, give in
charity, believe messengers were sent to us, and
that we will return to God-- well, that was me--
and that this book was not to be doubted-- that it
was truly and sincerely from God to these people--
like me-- precisely to guide them-- which was what
I had wanted for years.
So right off, it was speaking directly to me as an
individual.
Right off, it wasn't just some ancient 1400 year old
text.
It really grabbed me and did not, would not, let go.
As I read a thought began to form and then started
going through my head over and over and over: "Oh
my God! This is from God! " It was like being slammed
in the head with a brick or a hard plank of wood. I
was stunned. It was real . Not the "inspired writing"
of the Bible. It was direct revelation--- it really was
the Word of God. Literally. Oh my God! This really IS
from God!
Well, needless to say, I was floored. I knew there
was something very extraordinary here. Quite
amazing. Something was happening.
Imagine how bizarre it would be to really see a UFO.
How unusual and fantastic something like that
would be. Or what if someone just started to truly
levitate and fly around right in front of you? Or
what if you really truly did see a miracle? Your view
of the world would necessarily change after such a
non-ordinary experience.
What was happening to me as I read the Qur'an was
beyond that.
Way beyond that.
So much of what I was reading in the Qur'an was
stuff I was already thinking due to my academic
studies in religion. The Qur'an not only confirmed
things I was already thinking, but completed
thoughts and ideas I was only vaguely aware of--
like things I was "half-thinking" if that makes any
sense-- and then it also opened up to me an entire
new universe of meaning and possibility. Suddenly, it
was as if I was standing in a whole new vista-- like
the open plain of a whole new world stretched out
before me. Quite stunning and amazing.
There was nothing that gave me pause-- I kept
saying "yes" to all that I read. One thing pulled me
up short and that was that Jesus did not die on the
cross. But by that time, the evidence was so
overwhelming to my heart, my soul and my mind that
this Book was indeed EXACTLY what it claimed to be
that I had no trouble accepting this as the truth
from God Himself.
And none of this is the slightest exaggeration
whatsoever. I am not sugar-coating or embellishing
my story to make it more attractive, or pious
sounding, or dramatic, or whatever. I am telling the
truth.
(I was especially struck by how contemporary the
Qur'an is-- remember my academic background.
Everything about it is just absolutely brilliant! I
don't know why Muslims are so afraid of
contemporary philosophy, psychology, or textual
criticism. There is nothing to fear. The Qur'an is
very "today." Actually, it is very "tomorrow." )
Two weeks later I declared in public that I bear
witness there is no god but God and I bear witness
that Muhammad is a messenger from God.
I was always able to say the first part of that.
Note the two week wait. I was nervous-- was I
really going to get involved with these people? This
was not my cultural background, to say the least.
White Americans do not become Muslim, do they? I
remember standing at the masjid during this period
watching them pray salat. Indeed, a news camera
was there filming for a story which was then shown
on the local news. It showed everyone praying salat,
except for that one guy standing in the back-- and
in a bright red shirt no less. C'est moi!
I thought: "Who am I kidding? I really do think that
Muhammad was a messenger from God." So, that
was that. I would have been dishonest with myself if
I did not declare what I now thought to be true, and
I thus entered the Muslim ummah.
This was during Ramadan/April 1992 CE. The first
time I ever met a Muslim was in Turkey during
Ramadan when I was around 20 years old. (I am
almost 40 now.)
So, all those years of prayer for guidance were
answered. For real. Even today, five-six years after
these events I am still amazed by it all-- not only
that I'm Muslim (who would have ever thought
that?)-- but all those prayers really were answered
by means of my encounter with the Qur'an in light of
the sunnah of Muhammad.
Islam is truly the best-- and I say this coming from
a background of formal study in religious issues. I
am rarely at a loss for words, but I am when it
comes to describing how I feel and think about
Islam, the Qur'an and the sunnah of our beloved
Rasool Allah, may God love him greatly. It is simply
astounding. Beautiful like a work of art. Dynamic
and vibrant. Brilliant in how it all unfolded.
Mature-- no magic, no superstition. Excellent! What
can be said but alhamduli 'Llah-- Glory to God in
the Highest? Nothing! Nothing else can be said!
Alhamduli 'Llah!

Jeremiah D. McAuliffe, Jr., Ph.D.
Sha'ban 1418 AH/December 1997 CE

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